F*** Dieting

Diet is a dirty nasty 4 letter word.
And I'm eating Mexican food tonight.
I'm tired, stressed, hormonal and just plain fizzled out.
There is not one good reason why we shouldn't eat out tonight.
So there.

Fwd: What a crappy Monday!!!!!!

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Jacqueline
Date: Mon, Jun 16, 2008 at 10:41 AM

I think it's time for some good old junk mail nuggets of wisdom:

 

More meat is never excessive – She will like it when you spear her with your new immeasurable rod!

Titanic dimension without much effort!

 

Immense augmentation of your tool

 

Steady and fast increase in length – Once I increased my main muscle, girls in the streets started giving me the big eye!  (Watch out for that guy when you're out roaming the streets)

 

Kids?

Emma and I were discussing what to get Brian for Fathers Day.
“A Card!” was her first suggestion.

I swear, my child has PMS at age 4.

Not 10 minutes later she was in tears, asking when she was going to get a card.
“On you birthday!”

Sob. Big blue eyes filled with tears. “But when is it Little Girls Day?”
OMG. We just had Mothers Day, and then Fathers Day.. But she’s right. We don’t have “Little Girls Day”.

-You know, forget for a moment Easter and Halloween and Christmas and every other day where they are spoiled ROTTEN. We don’t have a “Little Girls Day”. And how unfair is that?-

She cried over this for a good 15 minutes and Brian and I were laughing our heads off, which only made her cry harder. But it was SO funny.

L and P revealed.

But first I must show you a picture.
Of a Man.
A HANDSOME MAN.
Who tried on a tuxedo for his role as Best Man in Randy’s wedding.
Remember Randy?

( This is Randy)

Well once upon a time Brian was his friend and agreed to be his best man.
And I made Brian try on his tux, just in case alterations were needed (It was rented)

And then Brian was so damned handsome and sexy in his tux I died and had an orgasm right then and there.
Anyway, back to the story.
Saturday came and was cold and windy. I wore a dress and never even took off my sweater, so it didn’t even matter that I went and bought a new dress.
Randy and Lisa got married and a fine time was had by all.
EXCEPT….
The centerpieces.
Fish.
Beta Fish/Siamese fighting fish, if you will.
With little notes on the jar that said “up for adoption”.
How cute.
NOT.*
Food was dumped in their bowls, a couple of them were put in bowls with other fish to fight.
I was pissed and rescued those.. I’m sure as soon as I walked away it happened again.
At the end of the evening I was sitting at a table, looking at a rather plain fish.
“Poor old thing” I thought to myself “You’re not even really pretty. No one’s going to want you and they’ll flush you down the toilet….”
And I was right. He was the only one left except for one other fish- a rather pretty one.
“Honey?” I said to Brian, ” I’m taking this fish or they’ll just end up killing him. And I want a pet! “
My dear (and super sexy) boyfriend agreed.
“I’m naming him LOO! because that would have been his fate. And I think we should take the other one home too. But what should we name him?”I asked.
Brian was drunk. Not too drunk, but fairly drunk.
“Pedro!”**
Thus my friends we acquired pets. Allow me to introduce them.

LOO!

My camera is out of batteries, and this was the best I could do until I get new ones.
LOO! has yet to eat anything that I’ve seen. So I’m worried about him.

And Pedro!

He was much more cooperative than LOO! You can see- he is much more brightly colored and eats like the world is wonderful.

Anyway, before I sign off for the evening I leave you with one more picture.
Emma has a cold and has been coming home and crashing. Dinner was cooking and she was watching Ella Enchanted. I looked over and she was sound asleep. She’s just cute. Poor little sick darling:(

*Note: Yes, they make adorable centerpieces, but I’ve seen too many dumped out in irrigation ditches or down toilets. I think people shouldn’t buy animals just to throw them away.
** This is Brian’s first choice of name for everything.

Fwd: Junk mail goodness

Finally the junk mail gods have decided to bless us with their wisdom.  ENJOY!!!!!!!

 

 

Super-dimension for you little soldier – Get ready for permanent enlargement of your dearest part of the body!

 

Amazing rapid growth – Experience innumerable advantages of bigger dong!

 

Gain the monstrous dimensions – Now, as I increased my love weapon, my girlfriend is burning for another night with me!

 

Get it longer, fuller, and stronger! – Your true male power is blocked until you get its main conductor increased!

 

Gain your massive man tool today – Get a rocket pack in your pants with this

 

The ultimate enhancement supplement – You can also become incredible hulk with this new improved formula

 

Greater length for your masculinity – This preparation will help you pride yourself upon the measurements of your main muscle

 

Jacqueline

–
-Ariel

Not Really

I have 7 or 8 unfinished posts sitting and waiting for me to finish them…
Brian starts another class tonight- Summer school for him! WEEE!
So perhaps, in the hour period I have tonight between Emma going to bed (sick little daring) and Brian coming home from class I’ll work on them. Or one.
I meant to take pictures last night of L and P, so you can properly be introduced to them…I made dinner last night and then we watched the golden compass and collapsed into bed.

YEAH. Way fun. We are such old married people.

Hello!

I have exciting news! I do!
Involving PETS!
Yes! PETS.
But I shan’t spoil it, no…. You must wait until I take pictures later!
My pets shall astound you with the cuteness they possess!

Here is a hint: Their names begin with and L and a P!

Ha! You are all on the edge of your seats! You know you are!

Ever see Pan’s Labyrinth?
I adore sub titled films.
I loved the movie (mostly)
except…
The Pale Man…
This guy.

I still have nightmares about him.

WTF?

I happen to think the scarf is super cute, myself…

Oh, and Brian can’t find the key code to his game. And will be going postal shortly.
If you took it? Watch your back. The man is FEROCIOUS!