Worthwhile reading from people who can say it better than me

I’ve been silent on the whole Roman Polanski  mess because I didn’t know what to say that wasn’t very personal.  And I’m pretty vocal about a lot of things.

Melissa said it better than I could, Catherine said it better than I could, but I still feel the need to say something.

I was sexually abused by a babysitter when I was younger.  My husband is the first person I ever told, possibly because he’s the first person who’s ever loved me that much, other than my mother and I couldn’t tell my mother because it would hurt her too much to think she was sending me someplace that I was being hurt.

I have forgiven that person, for the most part. But there are days I am still angry. And if there was a way I could press charges against her I think  I would.  No amount of time has made what she did to me okay and I would like her and other people like her to understand that.

And she has married, had children, hell, is probably a grandma by this time. Her life went on and so did mine but I remain damaged.  Not much, as far as it goes, worse has been done to other children, but WHY does any child have to live with ANY abuse?  WHY?  The fact that I have gone on to show no visible signs of trauma, to have a normal life in no way negates what that woman did to me twenty years ago.

SO I don’t care about Roman Polanski’s supposed genius.  He’s a monster who RAPED a little girl.  And he should pay for that.

I have composed a post for Violence Unsilenced, and when it posts there I will post it here, but I’m done being 10 and scared. So I’m starting to say something.  I’ve told a couple of my sisters and a friend and even my mother in law. And now I’m saying it here.

Pass it on.

It’s nice to know he has priorities

The “Donor” as I’ve taken to calling Emma’s biological dad, emailed me today to let me know that he was going to Canada for a week with the GF, and the baby and could we switch weekends please? (at least he said please, right? Oh wait… Just went back and read it and he DIDN’T say please)

I said yes, because there are times I need to switch too so I’m keeping it friendly but it kind of pisses me off that he can afford a vacation to FUCKING CANADA but he hasn’t paid for Emma’s dental bill, his 50% of daycare or child support since FUCKING FEBRUARY.  I shouldn’t complain- there are women who NEVER get child support.  Of course, I’d be one of them if I didn’t have a garnishment in place….

???WTF???

David- the sperm donor- i.e. he who contributed half of my genetic material, is a jerk.  And not only a jerk, a genuine bad person.

And even worse? He found Jesus! Trust me, click on the link, you will not be sorry.

So he’s verbally and emotionally abusive, manipulative, and now he does it all under the guise of Christianity. AWESOME! He gives Christians a bad name.

Anyway, after years of verbal and emotional abuse, All of us girls have pretty much cut off contact with him.  And now my little sister, who he hurt the WORST, has decided she needs closure and that she’s going to start seeing him again.

I’m upset by this.  Like she needs to be hurt anymore…

The entire family is sadly bat shit crazy.  They are not invited to my wedding.  And my REAL dad Jeff will walk me down the isle. And the crazies?  They are on the “list of people to call the cops on if they show up”.  Seriously.

Dear Emma

Ever since I knew I was pregnant with you- which would be approximately 6 years ago around about this time, my entire world has revolved around you.  Protecting you, loving you.  I’ve loved you since the first thought of you crossed my mind. You are by far the most perfect thing I’ve ever done.

You are five years old and as far as you know, for the most part, your world is perfect.

And I’m having a really hard time because I want your world to be perfect.   I want you to always be safe and clean and well fed. I want only good people to be around you and kind people speaking to you.

Baby, I feel like I’ve failed you because today I made a deal with the devil to protect you.

When I left your biological father for a multitude of reasons and finally filed for divorce I was granted sole legal and physical custody of you.  He was granted supervised visitation.

Your biological father, Jeff, hasn’t been a very nice person.  He’s lied and stolen and done drugs.  Lots of them.  He’s driven drunk more times than I can count on all my fingers and toes.  Unfortunately, he’s only been caught twice.  And he’s only been caught once for the drugs.  He’s left you alone several times, and alone with his home health clients (who were also not to be left alone).  He’s taken you to a hot spring where naked men could expose themselves to you. I could go on and on about the ways he’s endangered you, neglected you.  And when you are old enough I’ll tell you everything.  The whole story.  But right now I’m not allowed to. Ask one day you’ll ask and I’ll tell you the truth.

According to the “law of the land” he’s done his time and served his sentence.  And for some reason that means his problems just go away.  Because everyone knows that when you pass all the random drug tests and your probation officer is willing to testify on your behalf at a custody trial it means you are a good person.  Even though this is the THIRD time he’s had to have a probation officer and he’s still ON probation.  Apparently nothing else matters.    And judges are not interested in hearing the truth, only a few facts- from a probation officer and a drug counselor- who have never seen him parent but for some reason bear more weight in court than 6 years of history.

So for that last 8 Months your Daddy (Brian) and I have been paying an attorney to help us fight for your safety.  At first we were told the entire thing would be thrown out.  And then one week from trial we were told the judge would most likely lift supervision.  And give him a lot more time.

Baby girl, I honestly believe in my heart that he is not a good father.  I believe you to be in danger when you are with him.  The only redeeming part of his life right now is his girlfriend, who is pregnant.  She is trapped the way I was trapped.  She has only seen the good parts of him and she loves him.  So really, at this time, there are three victims in this tragedy.  Her, you and your unborn sibling.  She will pay for not listening to the warnings, but unfortunately, you and your sibling will pay the greater price.

So I bought, with two signatures and a WHOLE lot of money today, time.  I bought a few more  supervised visits and a few less overnights.  And if something happens, no overnights.

Please baby, know I did the best I could for you, that I cried when I signed those pieces of paper.  Because I know, in my heart, that it won’t work, that I’ll just be  back in court in a year’s time, or less.  But Baby?  The judge doesn’t care what is in my heart.  So I did the best I could. And I’m so so sorry.  I’m sorry I can’t protect you fully from someone you shouldn’t need protection from.  I’m sorry.

Please know, there is something good from all this-  You, Me and Your Daddy- and I mean Brian Daddy- have become so much closer through all of this.  I have learned how to trust, and how to lean and how to share and I’m so much more complete because of this.  And as Brian says- nothing in our house will change. You will have the same loving house you’ve always had- its just, now you’ll need it more.  And at least we can do that much for you.

At this moment, I’m really not okay with this and while I’ve done the best I can I don’t feel like it is enough.  I’m so sorry and please know I love you, and Daddy loves you, more than you can possibly imagine.  And no matter what, we are here.

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OMG- I would have shot this man

Lewd assault by man at Target inspires new law

12:34 PM MDT on Monday, March 17, 2008

By: KATHERINE COOK and KATIE CHANQUET, kgw.com staff

CLACKAMAS – Oregon lawmakers called it a lewd and a disgusting crime.

var jsVideoWidgetSize = 0; var jsVideoWidgetVideoId = 226214; A man threw semen on a woman’s leg while she and her daughter shopped at a Clackamas Target store. The man was caught on surveillance cameras. After turning himself in, he was merely cited and released for a single count of harassment. Now some lawmakers are outraged because of the legal limitations on punishment. State Representative Linda Flores couldn’t believe what happened at that store one week ago. That day 25-year-old Ricardo Faulk assaulted the woman and her 3-year-old daughter in a lewd act.
“That is not the same type of crime as someone spitting on someone. It’s not the same type of bodily fluid. It’s a sex crime and it’s got to be changed,” the victim said.
So in 2009, Flores said she will, with the help of Representative Scott Brunn, try and change those penalties.
“It’s shocking! It’s absolutely appalling to have that type of outrageous conduct that has absolutely no penalty,” Flores said.
Tailoring a piece of legislation to improve the current structure isn’t just a novel idea, adds Flores, it’s a necessity. The State Representative said the only thing standing between future victims and appropriate justice is time.
“Just time. With consultation of law enforcement and the DA and legislative council, we’re ready to draft the legislation and have it ready to go.”
Faulk’s next court appearance is scheduled for April 9th. The Clackamas County Court may order him to be tested for any infectious diseases.

Seriously- I would have killed this guy!

I swear, if Jeff asks me why I can’t just work with him one more time I’ll scream.

Um- because I “worked” with him for 3 years- it was called marriage and I was the only one working. It was shear hell.
He doesn’t want any more supervised visitation- well tough cookies buddy! Ya should have thought about that before I came to pick her up one day and found her out on the front porch playing with the neighborhood kids with you SOUND ASLEEP and no where in sight inside. I yelled and yelled and you didn’t wake up. And called me half an hour later when you woke up and couldn’t find her. Well Emma tried to wake you up too. And having my daughter tell me she couldn’t wake you up was scary. And there were 5 registered sex offenders within 2 blocks on either side and you knew about them BECAUSE I TOLD YOU.
AND you dated the woman who looked like the drag queen who admitted to drug problems. I could have forgiven her for the 12 colours of eye makeup but the other? And then you moved her and her mother in with you after 4 weeks. And you got arrested for 2 DUI’s in a 12 day period. And were growing pot in the back yard and got evicted. And were driving around without privileges and insurance and SHALL I GO ON?
And then your grandma assures me that its fine that I come early to pick her up on those days you see her because Emma’s ready to go after just a couple of hours- and that she makes sure you don’t sit and watch ball games while she’s there. Well thats just great. I’m so glad there is a responsible person around. I think we’ll stick to the bare minimum of whats legally required.
And now you want ME to drive to Nampa on Saturdays so you can have your Saturday visits. You’ll pay for my gas? How very magnanimous.
I’m so glad you can afford to pay for gas but yeah, what about child support? Do you know what that is? You’ll pay for my gas but you can’t bother to pay child support?
Oh, don’t worry- I pay for everything Emma needs. She has new shoes and a warm coat and we take her to a good preschool. She gets good food and we take her to the park and the movies and the zoo.
I’m so angry.

!!!!!!

Have you ever wanted to stand on top of a building and shout “FUCK YOU!”?
Because right now? At this moment? I really do. But only to one client that I fired today. Thats right, I fired THEM!
And we all rejoiced.
Most of the time I don’t get much mileage out of this whole “office manager” title. But today it was lots and lots of fun. We’ve hated this client for a long time. Or rather his mother, who makes all the decisions for HIS business. So it’s her we all hate. If you are 45 you should be able to wipe your own ass. SO GOOD RIDDANCE LINDA! I’ve always hated you.